Trusting in What You Know To Be The Truth

I want to be a woman of great faith. I want to be a woman that knows and understand what it means to fully be surrendered to the Lord in all aspects of my life. I know that today, in our American Society it is not easy to walk in a way of complete dependence on the Lord for his sovereign will on my life, or any one of us. As I come upon over a year of being in "missions", I reflect. I respond. I remember. I am like, what does that even mean? I have found a peace in the knowledge of Gods character that I would have never found if I have not come to the place of giving up everything. "trust in the lord", "give everything to God", "let it all go". Christian sayings that  have so much behind them, but are overused in not many understanding the actual meaning of giving up everything and trusting in the Lord. I only can say that today, because I truly feel I have embarked on a journey in trusting the Lord in which many won't understand, but I pray will reflect the faithfulness of the God I serve. The God that I have given my entire life for, and have devoted my heart in fighting for justice and compassion not because I am any  better than anyone else, no but because my God is better than anything else. I am living a life I sometimes don't understand myself, but then their are other days where I am filled with so much joy and hope that I can only wish that everyone could fully experience the freedom of being completely dependent on God. Freedom? I know for many, a place of sincere dependency on the Lord without our own strengths, talents, jobs, intelligence...It can all sound a little, well unconventional. It is, it is very unconventional.

Moving from a beautiful California, leaving all my friends & family behind, in pursuit of Gods call on my life, yes unconventional. But it has been the most incredible ride in understanding more of Who God is in my life and what it means to be fully dependent on him. I have a lot to look forward too, I will be marrying my best friend in less than 5 months. I am trusting God for the finances for every bit of it, we haven't been saving, we knew stepping into it, God is going to have to provide everything. So far, he has. I am trusting God for my new home with my husband, I do not know where we will live, or how we will triple our income in the next few months on top of a wedding, but I know God will stand faithful, he always has. Then, we will go on our honeymoon, a vacation and celebration of our love that we both need and deserve, do we have the money for it? No, we don't. But I know my father in heaven desires to give his children good gifts, and I am trusting him for it. I feel like, from the outside, I look like I am an irresponsible, lovesick, Jesus crazy individual. In reality, I am just ready for this next season of my life in bringing my relationship with the Lord to a deeper level. He has provided since day 1 of my choice to move to New York, from when I applied to YWAM, got in, and everything from Mexico to Cambodia to Thailand. With first class plane tickets, island debriefs, and all that wonderful gifts that God gives as we step out in a life of being with him, and letting him into our most vulnerable areas of trust. I am not saying that it is easy, I struggle at times, wondering if I will have everything I need, I tend to get frustrated as God doesn't always do things in "my" time. But I have never been without a home, without good food, and even more than that I always have more than enough.

My journey isn't going to be easy, it is actually going to be really hard. I will make hard decisions, I will do things in a way that not everyone understands. I will challenge peoples beliefs, what they, what I have been grounded in of the way to do things since I was very young. But this life of mine, as soon as I fully gave it to Christ has been the best experience of all. I am in full security of Gods unfailing love for me, and his unfailing love for people in this world. I am not a missionary because I want to see people "saved", I want to come against the wave of religion and politics. I love people, and I believe I love people the way that I do because I have a glimpse of how God loves me. I have a heart for the broken people, the people enslaved, not because I am a good person but because I have been given the gift of compassion by God. I am not a woman of courage and boldness because that is just me, but no, because God created me to be a certain way, and I want to walk out in those qualities in the way he has called me to.

I am not writing so that all may see how great of a life I am living, although it is great. I challenge you, as you watch my life change so drastically, can you ask yourself...What is happening? What is God doing? God is doing his perfect work not only in my life, but in the peoples lives around me because I am blessed to call them apart of my life. I want to give God the glory. I am redeemed from a life I once had, I am free from that empty void that filled my life for so long. I am honored to serve God fully. No matter if I have the money, if I have the apartment, even if I have the wedding. Hey, I have the riches of his glory, a home in heaven, and a Lord who is my groom before my earthly husband will ever be. I want that not only for my life, but for yours as well. I invite you into this season of trusting God for great things in my life, I know it won't be easy, but it'll be worth it. As it always is.

 Psalm 31:14-15
“But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD; I say, “You are my God.”
My times are in Your hand;”