Trusting in What You Know To Be The Truth

I want to be a woman of great faith. I want to be a woman that knows and understand what it means to fully be surrendered to the Lord in all aspects of my life. I know that today, in our American Society it is not easy to walk in a way of complete dependence on the Lord for his sovereign will on my life, or any one of us. As I come upon over a year of being in "missions", I reflect. I respond. I remember. I am like, what does that even mean? I have found a peace in the knowledge of Gods character that I would have never found if I have not come to the place of giving up everything. "trust in the lord", "give everything to God", "let it all go". Christian sayings that  have so much behind them, but are overused in not many understanding the actual meaning of giving up everything and trusting in the Lord. I only can say that today, because I truly feel I have embarked on a journey in trusting the Lord in which many won't understand, but I pray will reflect the faithfulness of the God I serve. The God that I have given my entire life for, and have devoted my heart in fighting for justice and compassion not because I am any  better than anyone else, no but because my God is better than anything else. I am living a life I sometimes don't understand myself, but then their are other days where I am filled with so much joy and hope that I can only wish that everyone could fully experience the freedom of being completely dependent on God. Freedom? I know for many, a place of sincere dependency on the Lord without our own strengths, talents, jobs, intelligence...It can all sound a little, well unconventional. It is, it is very unconventional.

Moving from a beautiful California, leaving all my friends & family behind, in pursuit of Gods call on my life, yes unconventional. But it has been the most incredible ride in understanding more of Who God is in my life and what it means to be fully dependent on him. I have a lot to look forward too, I will be marrying my best friend in less than 5 months. I am trusting God for the finances for every bit of it, we haven't been saving, we knew stepping into it, God is going to have to provide everything. So far, he has. I am trusting God for my new home with my husband, I do not know where we will live, or how we will triple our income in the next few months on top of a wedding, but I know God will stand faithful, he always has. Then, we will go on our honeymoon, a vacation and celebration of our love that we both need and deserve, do we have the money for it? No, we don't. But I know my father in heaven desires to give his children good gifts, and I am trusting him for it. I feel like, from the outside, I look like I am an irresponsible, lovesick, Jesus crazy individual. In reality, I am just ready for this next season of my life in bringing my relationship with the Lord to a deeper level. He has provided since day 1 of my choice to move to New York, from when I applied to YWAM, got in, and everything from Mexico to Cambodia to Thailand. With first class plane tickets, island debriefs, and all that wonderful gifts that God gives as we step out in a life of being with him, and letting him into our most vulnerable areas of trust. I am not saying that it is easy, I struggle at times, wondering if I will have everything I need, I tend to get frustrated as God doesn't always do things in "my" time. But I have never been without a home, without good food, and even more than that I always have more than enough.

My journey isn't going to be easy, it is actually going to be really hard. I will make hard decisions, I will do things in a way that not everyone understands. I will challenge peoples beliefs, what they, what I have been grounded in of the way to do things since I was very young. But this life of mine, as soon as I fully gave it to Christ has been the best experience of all. I am in full security of Gods unfailing love for me, and his unfailing love for people in this world. I am not a missionary because I want to see people "saved", I want to come against the wave of religion and politics. I love people, and I believe I love people the way that I do because I have a glimpse of how God loves me. I have a heart for the broken people, the people enslaved, not because I am a good person but because I have been given the gift of compassion by God. I am not a woman of courage and boldness because that is just me, but no, because God created me to be a certain way, and I want to walk out in those qualities in the way he has called me to.

I am not writing so that all may see how great of a life I am living, although it is great. I challenge you, as you watch my life change so drastically, can you ask yourself...What is happening? What is God doing? God is doing his perfect work not only in my life, but in the peoples lives around me because I am blessed to call them apart of my life. I want to give God the glory. I am redeemed from a life I once had, I am free from that empty void that filled my life for so long. I am honored to serve God fully. No matter if I have the money, if I have the apartment, even if I have the wedding. Hey, I have the riches of his glory, a home in heaven, and a Lord who is my groom before my earthly husband will ever be. I want that not only for my life, but for yours as well. I invite you into this season of trusting God for great things in my life, I know it won't be easy, but it'll be worth it. As it always is.

 Psalm 31:14-15
“But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD; I say, “You are my God.”
My times are in Your hand;”

Cambodia How You Have Changed My Heart

We officially landed back in the United States yesterday around 10 am, Jet lag has a whole new meaning to me now...But it isn't just jet lag that I have experienced. I have come home from Asia with an entirely new perspective on the world, and how I live my life daily here in America where I am so blessed.

Leaving the Western World and going to Asia was probably one of the most impacting choices I have yet to make in my life, going to Cambodia & seeing where my family had come from gave me an entirely new understanding to my family and what they have been through. Not only that, but the Cambodian people welcomed our team with open arms and hearts and showed me that even people that have nothing, can give more love than people here where abundance flows. Abundance might not flow materially for those in Cambodia, but a love from the heart is something that does not lack. It amazes me that a Nation with such a devastating history, a history that we all want to shut our ears to because it is easier to be uninformed than educated of the evil....With such a history yet they are one of the most loving cultures I have yet to experience, and it was my own. I am so grateful that I got to go back to where I came from, and really take that experience back to where I am today here in America.

Our team spent our days having  serving the YWAM Base community in Battambang, We had many Prayer Times, taught English in remote villages, worked with Jeevits house, an orphanage dedicated to working with children and families that have been stricken with AIDS. It was an honor to be apart of what God is doing in the Nation of Cambodia. I see the Lords hand in redeeming a Nation back to his heart & I cannot wait for the day that I go back to Cambodia and see even more what God is doing. I was so blessed by the Cambodian YWAM staff dedicated to restoring a Nation back to Christ. Out of the 60 staff at the base, 45 of them are Cambodian. What a picture of a YWAM base coming into a community in pursuit of transforming a broken Nation, and restoring it back to fullness. 

It has taught me so much of how to be really be thankful for all that God has blessed me with. The people of Cambodia are living below the Poverty line of $ .45 cents a day. I had never been more convicted of my materialism and dis content with living. I have struggled in my transition of becoming a missionary with the financial circumstance with not being able to spend money the way that I used too, and after being in Cambodia I have learned and been shown such dark areas in my heart of being un appreciative of what I do have in always thinking that I want/need more.


 The truth is that I do not need more. Society and American culture has shaped my ways of thinking, and I have had a really deep realization of how temporal and meaningless the need for material security and excess. I am thankful for my brothers & sisters in Cambodia. They have shown me that how even though they do not have much, they have a love and joy in there heart from God that I do not even posses in the midst of my lack of perspective.  Although finances are a still a struggle living and working in ministry, I will forever be grateful that since I have food on the table, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, I am more fortunate than most of the world.

Not only am I more fortunate, but I am able to give and serve in the areas of need that I would not normally go to, or want to. Because of the gifts that I have been given, it is in the outflow of my joy and graditude that I would want to live a life that would be able to give to others. Because God has blessed me, I want to bless others. This is how I should want to live my life, this is how I should regardless of what I don't have, I must think of those that have less than I, but are still living out the Gospel...So why aren't I living out the Gospel?

I met so many amazing young kids, kids that just wanted to learn so that they would have a better chance in life, a chance that almost every American has, but some of these kids might never have. It was a privilege to be apart of this dream for every child. Before I left, I spoke on how amazing of a plan that God has for every single of there lives, and I know it true from the bottom of my heart. I am so thankful that not only I was able to impact theie lives, but  for them to be able to be impacted by them. I think I've been changed by them, more than they have been changed by me.  The issue of poverty is no longer a statistic to me, but the face of a little girl. It is by Gods grace that I can give, not just financially..but a gift of love.