Called to love.

Lately, I have been internally with a life called to love. We read quotes about love, sing songs about it, say it on a daily base to one another...I am challenged with the question of what it really means to love, what it really means to love when it does not feel good. Love, as many have heard...is not a feeling, it is a choice. As our relationship with God, it is a choice, not a feeling. I can say it is safe to say that I do not FEEL God all the time, yet I know he is there, and I know that he loves me. However, in my selfishness and self righteousness there are moments where I feel like living this life, I am not getting all I "deserve"....even if the time is just off in my eyes. Who Am I to even think that? I am nothing. I am merely human, created to love God, and to love others. Instead I have taken the true gift it is to feel and experience love, and in my daily tasks have turned it into a task and burden. BURDEN, I am almost ashamed to say in my tiredness I struggle with loving those that I know in my heart are the ones that deserve it the most.  This brings me to a place of in my sin, my unbelief, my selfishness, my unrighteousness, my STUFF.. that God our father can love me in a way that never changes, that always sustains, and always brings me closer to him. A revelation that will change my life everytime I am stuck in the rut of my selfishness, that Gods love even in the midst of my trouble is only leading back into deeper relationship with him, in which is deeper revelation of his unfailing, everlasting LOVE. I want this love, I want this love not only for me, but for every person that I come into contact with that I do not want to love, and want to love an incredible amount. I want this love that will strike me to stop for that homeless man, to fight for the orphan that is being trafficked and raped more than 50 times a day, a love that will bring me to a place of understanding that my future husband will make mistakes over and over, and what I am called to do is to love him more. I love not others for the gain of myself, but for the gain and knowledge of what it truly means to love Jesus Christ, our savior. The love that comes from the cross, a place where he gave his life so that I can fully experience and rejoice in what is the best gift that ever could have been given to me. Who Am I in my selfishness to come to a place where when I have no money, a frustrating day, a loss of control, WHO AM I to say or feel that my life is anything less than absolutely extraordinary because I am given the opportunity to love, and to be loved. What a life to live that God is love, and for that he created me I am truly trying to live day to day. With his grace, I cannot fail. With his mercy, I cannot fail. With his love that endures forever,  I will continually be in the pursuit of the passion that is Love. A Love I want to live and breathe and see in every aspect of my life. Lord, forgive me for I have not loved like you have loved, and gift me the gift of love in revelation of your love for me, that I may give it to others in your strength, not my own.