Surburban Girl Meets the Country

I was not made for the country.  I was not made for the quiet life. I was born into chaos, and I live that way. My life before YWAM was a mixture of school, work, long runs, way too many dinners & coffee dates along with shopping as my therapy when things went wrong. I come alive in the city, I live & breathe San Francisco. A giants game with the ocean to my backside, or the beach on a sunny afternoon with way too much vitamin d. I am in love with California. I thrive on the fact that I never have enough time, that there is always something to do or somewhere to go, I love that at my fingertips of my steering wheel....  I have a beach to tan, a lake to swim, a mountain to snowboard, a smaller mountain to hike, a city to never sleep...and the chaos that followed. I once dreamed of marrying a business man, but i thought..ehh to stressful. I once dreamed of marrying an athlete, but then i thought...ehh TOO much competition ;). Wavered with skater boys, tyler was my favroite...and I even once dreamt of marrying my high school sweetheart, who I believe was right in between. Then I woke up.

John Olin, I truly believe is the man that God sent me. I would not trade him for any business surfer skater athlete boy I know. And as God sent me all the way across the United States to meet him, God sent him out of  small little Lynden Washington.

I have heard it all from my friends, and I find it quite as funny as you all do. Anyone that knows me, knows that the country is really not where I belong, but where I do belong is right by johnos side. and I would not trade a minute with him for anything else.

My trip to washington has been an amazing time so far. I was welcomed with open arms by Johnos family. His Mom, the sweetest lady known to man...His Dad, who reflects him as much as blue off the ocean to the sky, and his sister.... who has built up the ability to beat any one of her brothers up..it is quite impressive. I know it is different for me, the lifestyle, the atmosphere. but something I love about life, we were all meant to come from different places, to know different things, if it was the same...life would be boring.

Life with johno, is not boring. It is almost comical how Jesus brought us together coming from such different backgrounds, but it truly is in life the way you come to appreciate things...when they are outside of yourself.

 I know that I am not made to be in the country, but I can sure play in the country. I am not a big animal person, but I am about to dog nap charlie ( johnos pup).  I am jealous of the access to organic that they have here, things that I have to pay way too much money for in New York.

I am so grateful for Johnos family, for new experiences. For being able to learn about johno in such a different way, it is a blessing. I know that one day, down the road, that I will have my own story. That one day, a while from now I will create a home for our own kids. I am fortunate that we will take from two separate lives and have a balance in the life I will live with our kids ONE DAY...( far from now ;] )

There are many things that I love about the country, there are more things that I love about California. And there are more than I can count, can't even describe of what I love about Johno. If this trip has taught me anything, which there are so many things....

It is how much I truly do love Johno, and how much I appreciate how different he is from me, and how he grew up was so different than I. He has so many attributes that I appreciate, so many ways of hiim that are amazing.


So for those that want an update, here it is. I am not only surviving, I am ENJOYING. I am not only happy, but I am joyus. I am not only blessed, I am thankful. I was nervous, I didn't know what to expect. That is always the fun thing about Jesus when he shows up, some of the best tiimes that God reveals himself is when he does it in a way where we had no idea.

Speaking of God showing up in a way where we had no idea, that will be the next blog. A story about how God has blessed me, confirmed in so many ways our future together, and simply showed me how he loves me in one of the most amazing ways to date. It is a beautiful story. God is a beautiful God. Washington is a beautiful place, not only because it is geographically beautiful, but because it is the home to a beautiful family. A family that I so appreciate for bringing up the man that I love in such a pure,grounded, faithful to God way. He would not be the man he is today without that, and for that I am thankful.

Counting the Cost.

I left it all behind. I started over in a new way. I gave it all up because I knew that is what God was calling me too. He was not calling me to a barren life. He was not calling me to not have all the things that I needed, or wanted. Instead, he was calling me to challenge my own heart in that a life lived for him, is a better life... a better life pursuing  material things.

I was material. I am material. I care about what I wear. I care about how much money I have. I like to own nice things. I have not been released of the bondage that is....my identity and dependence is in what I own, how much money I have, and what I can buy. My dependence was never on God when I was working, but it was on the myself in the money that I made.

That was my motivation. Material. Of course, all of it was not conscious...Many of it was subconscious. Normal. What everyone was else was doing so it felt like it was the way it was supposed to be.

It is not. But we are so close minded in our society that we shut down to anything that has to do with us giving up our independence. Our "right" to what we own, what we should have, and the fact that since we have the ability to have it...we make it ours.

Ours. None of anything we own is really even ours. Why spend your entire life trying to attain something that will not follow you to the end. In death, you take nothing with you. So why as humans do we spend our life trying to attain what makes us "successful", "happy", and "satisfied". Truth is, you can never have enough money.

I believe this is why being a full-time missionary is such a hard concept to grasp. I believe its why many of my family & friends do not understand what I am doing. It is why it is "admired", but because " I could never do that ".

I don't blame that. I'm at a point in my life, where I am like...How did I do that? How am I doing this?

( English Standard Version )
Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ. Phil. 3: 8


Because I gave up everything, I know Christ in a different way than most people will know him. Sometimes I am bitter about it, but usually only when I am frustrated in the waiting. And the truth is, when you give up your life for Christ, your income, your home state, your family, your friends...You will always be in the waiting. 


The key to be in the waiting, is knowing that what your waiting for will come to pass even if it does not happen the way you would like it to.


I have yet to be lacking, but I am always in need. Recently, I have become more in need than ever, and it has made me question my pursuit of my dreams, seeing that I had to give up everything, including a lot of the extras that make for me, life enjoyable. The material things. 


It is the road less traveled. Also, the bumpy, narrow, winding, sometimes very annoying road. 
In that, God has shown himself faithful, sometimes difficult, mostly amazing, more patient than I.....and yet he is there, never leaving, never ceasing. 


I want to trust God with everything, I truly do. But there are many things that are harboring in my heart that are making it hard too. Mostly, my pride. Mostly, the pride in feeling like anything that I get I deserve.

In reality, I deserve nothing, but God gives me everything..Because of his grace, his mercy, and his tender love. Not because I "work" for him, or because I "deserve" it. 


I ask God, change my mentality. Help me depend on you more. Help me become more bold. Help me understand when I am trusting in people to give, I am not only trusting in people...I am trusting in you. God, help me. I want to Count it all as loss. 

TEAMS/ FARM LAND/ CALIFORNIA

Wow, Can I begin to even describe and process what this summer has been. It has been a whirlwind of absolute amazing chaos. I have met some of  the most amazing people, and have had to say goodbye to most of them, but happy in knowing that many are leaving with an experience here at YWAM New York that gave them a piece of what our life daily is like here. This Summer was not easy, and I found myself tired, stressed, overwhelmed with joy, pushing through, learning new things about God, but more importantly I saw people experience him in a different way. I got to share my new found love for New York City with many people that have not been here before, and this brought me joy. My days consisted of 12-18 hour work days, and it was not easy, but what I do for a living is not normal,and I would much rather be working extra long, and be happy with what I am doing than being miserable in an 8-5. I am learning that ministry, is not an 8-5 thing. It is an all day, all of my life, commitment to God in what he has called me to do here. So with that said, in total we at YWAM Metro New York here hosted 8 short term mission trips this Summer. We put on 1 camp in the last week of June. We ran around like crazy and made sure that our teams got the best treatment, giving our emotionally energy even when we didn't have any. We made mistakes, slept in, not slept enough, ate too much, got lost in the city, but in the meantime we are hoping & praying that we changed lives. We challenged those that came to step out of there comfort zone, to really go after what God was impressing on them at the time,we showed them a little bit of our crazy life.

Now that all of that is over, and we had to say goodbye to some amazing people. I am coming up on my two week vacation. I have never looked forward to a vacation more, not because my Summer was bad, but because it was busy! I am looking forward to a time of rest, however my brain cannot even catch up with what is actually going to happen on this vacation. I have been dating my wonderful boyfriend now for about 6 months. It is crazy how time flies, and I am so beyond excited about what God is doing in our relationship and how he has been speaking to us even during our DTS. This Late August I will be taking a trip to Washington to meet his family, and he will be taking a short trip to California after to meet my family. Both of us have never had a significant other meet our families. This is a big stretch for us, and we are excited but definitely out of each others comfort zones. We both come from extremely different families, and it will definitely be an experience for us to see how God has placed us in each others lives to be exactly what we need to be for the other. We are really moving forward in our relationship and I am very thankful. I have no idea what to expect but I am very thankful that God has provided the opportunity to walk out what I believe he has called both of us too in this season of our lives. So with that said, from the dates of August 16-31 keep us both in prayer ;) we will need it! Bless you all!