grief, mourning, all come from the loss of a "good" thing. We don't often mourn a negative cancer scan, a first birthday, or a wedding between two friends...most of the time.
we mourn the loss of good things. good things that we love, that once brought us joy, the things that remind us that life indeed in every moment is worth living.
my last real season of mourning was losing Tyler in 2009 when tragic, unexpected, unforgiving death swept over my first year in college. I mourned late night talks on the swings, dreams of future travel, butterfly kisses and that blue-eyed boys' smile that left me never the same again that fateful phone call.
And so I loved, lost, and was determined to love again just so I could, but this time in new ways.
So I ventured off to new things, determined to find what I loved, what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be and regain all that I lost, or all that I realized I never found under the blue California sky.
And now I am mourning differently, still the loss of a good thing. The loss of an idea of the way life goes, the gain of excitement when realizing God brings unexpected treasures into our life for our own benefit, while at the same time taking them away.
I absolutely love this nation, and I've learned of my deep love for people, wherever I go in my life. I am so challenged by today's culture that separates christianity from all other "secular" things. I am learning everyday what it is to " be in the world, but not of the world". Brokenness surrounds me. I cannot sit at a cafe at night without seeing "the least of these". Whether that be in the form of a mother and her child begging, or a 50 year old white man with a 12 year old Cambodian prostitute, likely working under a pimp.
My heart is always mourning. And I am thankful for that, the loss of a good thing comes with the gain of a better thing. I am grieved at the injustice of this nation, just as I am grieved at the apathy in my heart that will arise as I set in foot in America, I know because I am human. I know because my heart grows hard, I know because I am not perfect and there will be times I am selfish as opposed to generous. I know because there will be times when I miss this country, and these people and there will be times I am grateful I can feel safe on the roads again.
So I just let myself mourn. I let myself know that the price of loving people also comes with the payment of letting them go at some point in your life. The more I travel, experience new places and new things, I leave with the souvenirs of being able to grow and love incredible, different types of people. Some which love me back, some which don't know my name, some I saw once, some everyday. The people in which I am grateful that show me the world is so much bigger than what I ever thought. And that the people I love i this life life can give so much more than I could ever take.
