A Transformed Heart

Johno and I stepped foot after a 27 hour journey into the beautiful country of Cambodia. After exploring Siem Reap for a few days, we maneuvered our way to Battambang, the great little city that will hold our hearts for the next 9 months. In the midst of jet lag, 3rd world adjustments, and a transition coming to a close, It was hard to really grasp what has happened. I followed my dream, and it is in the midst of coming true...so now what?

Enjoying the moment. Fresh fruit smoothies at 3pm. Geckos in my room. Enormous amounts of bug spray. Brain working in two languages. Mosquito net in the way of cuddles. New faces, new friends. God speaking, God speaking, God moving, I am changing. Worship in my room alone. Cambodian's teaching the bible. A nation transformed for Christ. My heart is refreshed. My life is now.

For the next 9 months, I have committed myself to an inductive bible study course, that I assume very much will alter the way I see my life, the world, and of God. I have taken responsibility in acknowledge  I cannot lead people to God, answer the hard questions, and truly be the example I need to be if I do not have a grasp of the Bible. There are too many Christians that are religious, too many that say one thing and act by another, too many that do not know who they serve, why they believe what they believe. Experience will only take you as far as your emotions will, it is truth that will sustain you when life 's curve balls come. 

Often times in our western mind set, even in "missions" , we've been taught, What can I bring here that will better the country, these people? Now, don't mistake me, in a country with Christianity at less than 2% of the entire population, the gospel is desperately needed. However, for the last two weeks, I have learned more from this country than I have taught myself. The Cambodian Christians, they are people of such devotion, passion, leadership, and genuine love. They have taken the responsibility for there own Nation, fellow Cambodians discipling each other and bringing transformation from a life encountered with Christ everyday. 

 I have been confronted with Christianity of America more and more every day. We are in desperate need of a true transformation of our own hearts. I am in desperate need of this transformation.The main reason I am here isn't to try to change every person I come into contact with for the gospel, although not wrong. My heart here is that I need to be transformed through Gods word, I need to truly in and out know the God I serve, why I am doing it, what I believe, and how I am going to apply that to my life in the future.

10% of Christians world wide have read the entire bible. Let alone that, who understands that thing anyways? For a long time, I haven't. But I am excited to fully know and understand the bible in a way that will transform my heart, my life, and my future calling wherever God leads me.

It is an injustice to say I love and serve God the way I do, and not spend a portion of my life intentionally pursuing knowing him more through the blessing of his word that he has given us. 9 months, what will come of it? 

I am committed to this country, to the people of Cambodia. I am so blessed to take a portion of my life and give it back to God, worshipping him by learning, and truly getting in touch with my roots, my country that has been on my heart for so long. Will I stay forever? Who knows, God does...But it isn't  my responsibility right now.  I just know at this point God has called me here to be trained, equipped, and sent out into the Nations, whether it be my very own right, I don't know. All I know is that I cannot teach, what I do not know.

I encourage you, if you profess and say this is the God you believe, the God you are serving, the God you are loving and worshipping. What do you truly know about him besides what you have experienced with him? It is important, yes that you experience him. But we owe it to those who have never experienced him, to be able to tell them about him, and have what we tell them be true. 

Making Life Happen

Tomorrow, I embark on a 9 month journey I never thought would come, I'm leaving for my beloved country of Cambodia. A country and people that are so dear to my heart, and this dream I've put on the shelf  for some time is coming to life.

Not more than exactly 3 years ago, September 16th or so I, 20 years old on a one way ticket decided to adventure to New York for my DTS, something I had no idea about. No one I had known really had ever done YWAM, I knew not more than a single soul in New York, and I left. To this day, it was one of the best choices I've ever made.

My years in New York were extremely challenging, filled with growing, learning, changing, grieving, and celebrating. I changed more than I ever thought I could,  had my ever last boyfriend and first and only husband, and really began to learn what it means to lay your life down for Christ and what he calls us to do.

3 years later, I embark on a similar journey. Again into the unknown, the unfamiliar although somewhat. This time not alone, but with my best friend. Yet, I still feel God whispering the same things in my ear. " do you trust me?", "Are you ready?", " what are you willing to give up, and how far are you willing to go? "

And because in these last 3 years every decision with him was ultimately the best one, again with our plane tickets... with no idea what I'm getting into, I'm going. 

I'm constantly challenged by the fact that no matter what seasons we are in life, there always changing. People in your life are always coming and going, and in a sense.. It never really ends. This has been my favorite thing about my traveling extravaganzas, I've been able to share my heart with the most beautiful, gracious, loving individuals around the world that be friend me, and it's in those friendships I've found home.

I'm often approached, do you ever wish you were doing something else? No, not really. That's the thing, I'm doing what I've always wanted to do. Some may call it irresponsible, illogical in this economy, or whatever they may think. But I'm blessed to serve a God that delights in my dreams and desires and then gives me the grace to follow them, to make them happen.

Life happens, that's just the way it is. Whether you make it happen or not, it still happens. Might as well make happen what you want to happen, and take joy in knowing The Lord is right there by your side.