It's been two and a half years since I put myself on a plane with a one way ticket to New York. I had no idea what would be been born with a sense of adventure and a willingness to go, but I quickly found out. Adventure is for everyone really, but mainly those that are willing. I am often asked the question, How do you get to go so many places? How do you get to do so many things? I often ask myself the same thing, but I've come to the conclusion that I've just traded one for another. While one might have security in financial means and material things, I've found it in experiences that lead me around the world, often into the arms of some of the most amazing people I've met in this lifetime. I am challenged often with the life I gave up, for the life I live now. Often comparing the two, and what if's are no stranger to my mind.
It's rather bittersweet, the ending to my New York chapter. The chapter that has begun to tell a story of some of the most monumental moments in my life. Where I truly began to know the living God I serve, where I left the past behind and finally found myself deep down somewhere afraid to come out. New York led me to my best friend, who then became my husband, who thankfully will join me in each endeavor to come. With one door so quickly closing. I find myself beginning to peak through all of the newly opening doors, windows, even curtains. Pondering, how did I get here, Where am I going, and Where exactly will I end up?
Who knows. I don't know a lot of things, but I've learned a hell of a lot and could definitely afford to learn some more. The most important thing I've learned in the last year is how to trust God and what it really means to give him control of your life. Not only giving him control, but trusting that wherever he takes you is a better place you could go yourself. That means different things for each and every one of us. Whether it be to go back to job you don't want, find yourself back in school, or on a jet plane not knowing whats on the other side. You see life leaps are disguised in many different costumes, and we all need to learn to play dress up once in a while.
But it scares us, because we find ourselves unstable. Most of life is spent trying to make ourselves stable when we really think about it. Success is actually measured on how stable we seem to be. Stability that's found in the workplaces, instability in the lack there of. Not to mention the degree that hangs in the wall to show how qualified you are to be there, how many zeros are in your account, or even more so you have by your side. Stability is our greatest idol, biggest set back, and adventures greatest enemy.
Risk has been no stranger to me in the last 2 years. It has been my best friend and worst enemy, depending on what circumstance I am in. However The bigger leaps we take in life, leave more room for God to catch us when we fall, or better yet how far we get when he lets us go. And really, who cares about me. It all comes down to what God is doing in my life through the risks I am taking to live for him.
The next upcoming months and year will consists of my greatest risks to date. Johno and I will continue our no salary living trusting that in our obedience to Gods endeavors on our lives that he will provide, he has shown himself so faithful thus far. Not even with the needs, but the wants as well. We will leave New York with a bittersweet farewell, say hello to the beautiful West Coast but only for a season before we embark on a dream of mine from the get go, moving to Cambodia. Our commitment there is to do a School of Biblical Studies for 9 months. It has not been an easy decision to make, the hardest yet actually. But I am trusting in the greatest reward for the biggest sacrifice.
I'm insane really, I hate hot weather, mosquitoes are my worst nightmare, there's not a Starbucks anywhere near, and let's not even mention the length and cost of flights that separate me from who I love and treasure most.. My family and friends.
But I can't ignore the fact that ever since I gave god the stability in my life, and traded it for this adventure with him he's never failed me, and not only has he never failed me... But he's met every need. Not just the physically important ones like money, food, and shelter.But that feeling deep in your soul that you know you're doing what you exactly what you were created to do. That hazy moment when all the world stops around you, you take a deep breath...and the feeling of peace is overwhelming. You were created for that moment.
I really have no idea where God will take us from this point, and I've never been so confronted with living one day at a time. It's exhilarating almost, minus the days where I could cry I'm so anxious. But it's in these moments that I take a step back and really look at the big picture. I have no idea what god is doing in the grand scheme of things. And how amazing that I get to be apart of it, not because I'm anything special, but simply because I'm willing.
I've changed a lot since then, and in each chapter I'll change even more, but what I can't change is the willingness to move forward, even when it's uncomfortable, even when it's hard. Life doesn't stop for anyone, and what an injustice to miss out on experiences in the selfishness of my own stability, my own security. I hope in my own weakness I never lose sight of taking the risks gods ask me to take, and when I do I pray he reminds me. This jumble of information is a self reminder, I pray for you reading it as well. What is God asking you to trade in your stability for his destiny for your life? Don't get in his way.
