This Appointment With Life

Speaking of having an appointment with life, I've needed an appointment with this blog for way to long.  It is pretty embarrassing how long it has been...Since the last time I wrote, I have been married, to two different countries, almost finished the lecture phase of DTS...not to mention came to know an incredible 18 students, and fallen in love with all of them as I get ready to embark on my next journey to C. Another trip around the world that will hopefully bring not only myself closer to God, but others around me as well.

I could flashback, talk a lot of gorgeous details about how incredible it is to be married...because it is. Or randomly ramble about all the things I have learned, because there has been a lot. Even word vomit some really trendy facts that might challenge you to do something greater with your own life about whats happening around us. All of which I really enjoy to do. But today, I am in the mood to think bigger picture, to take a sit down. To shut off facebook, stop organizing my calendar, put gmail on hold for longer than 10 minutes. I wanted to really sit, dust my keyboard off, and reflect on this appointment with life I have, what I have done with it, and what I need to change.


In the midst of chaos, confusion, tears, joyus laughter, dancing, and mourning. I feel like it is so easy to sink back, and want to press that pause button on life. The pause button being in need for many different reasons. Life going too fast, regretting something that we wish we could have done differently, or even a moment of reflection as God slows us down and reminds us to embrace the beauty that is our lives, and the appointment we have with it...Not to mention the importance of not missing it.

Its easier to stay in bed. It is more convenience to stare at your instagram than to have a conversation.  Its easier to lock yourself in your office and get work done. Its easier to pass relationship on to the next person. A lot of things in life are easier, but they are also boring, selfish, and most definitely not as rewarding, life giving, and precious. I have found that the moments I love the most, are when I am spending time loving other people. A genuine, pure, love that comes not from what can this person give to me, but what can I do for them. A love that overflows out of our love relationship with sweet Jesus. Not the religion that has been defiled, stigmatized, and honestly really annoying. But the Religion that is pure, intimate, and real.

I have been guilty of this though. Sometimes, there is so much changing that not only do I want to press the pause button, but sometimes even the rewind. Is it more terrifying that we are moving at 100mph in life, sometimes not knowing where exactly God is going to take us. Yes, it is. Life as a missionary most of the time is very uncomfortable in numerous ways. How comical is it that society has told us that being Christian means you "have it all together", "don't do anything wrong", and "have no fun". OK, had to throw the have no fun thing in there because its the most ridiculous. How often do I hear, "Berta, how do you get to travel to all the places you do?...Where do you get the money for that". That is a good question. I have no idea why God would choose a girl like me, to do amazing things for him. I go where he tells me to go, and where he sends me! He provides for me, and today in America that concept is very foreign. That's okay, this appointment with life I have is pretty foreign as well. Sometimes I even wonder how crazy I am for doing what I am doing, but its just too much fun to stop, not to mention.. God is just too good.

The life I have chosen to live is not any different than the life you have chosen to live, because it has been your choice. I lately have questioned a lot of choices I have made, wondering if they have been the right thing, and if so....why have they been so hard? lets blast that rumour now, life doesn't get easier as a Christian, it gets worth it but by no means easier. My life has been hard, and not for obvious reasons as people in 3rd world nations can tell me. Like men who I have met in Thailand working to send there kids to school in Cambodia, only to not see them for 5 years because that's how long it will take to send them to school. 300 USD for the next two years of his daughter to school would send him back home to be with his family, but instead...he works 16 hour days to ensure his daughters education. I am almost humiliated to write that my life is hard.


My life is easy in comparison. So I don't get to buy all nice things, all the time... So I see friends that have a lot more to show than I do right now, in regards to a white picket fence American dream. But you know, I was never satisfied with that anyways. Hate that about myself, I feel like I am never satisfied really no matter where I am. Thats another really trendy thing I have been learning...I feel like no matter where I am in life , I am always going to wonder if I were somewhere else. I don't know if the grass is always greener on the other side, I just know I will always be curious.

My eyes need to be readjusted, my focus should not be on myself, and my life, but instead on God and what he is done with my life. My focus should not be on how much money I need for something, but instead how I need God for everything . My focus shouldn't be on what people aren't doing for me, but instead on what I can be doing for them. It has been a journey of reflection in my own heart in understanding my appointment in life, isn't even mine. No matter what kind of mess I make with it.

So in the seasons of change, of chaos, frustration, confusion, sadness, appreciation, joy, and all in between...I am reminded of Gods infinite plan on my life that I may never really understand. It isn't my job to understand what he is doing all the time, how things look. How finite is my mind that I could ever understand the grand scheme of things.

Living a rich life fully embracing where you are when you are there, is the showing up for the appointment that is yours, and yours alone. So no matter how many times I want to cancel where I am, reschedule where I should have been, and even go again sometimes. I am humbled by Gods incredible perfect plan for my life, and grateful for those gems he has brought along the way to share it with me.