I know it'll be worth it all, I know that this decision although it will change my entire life, will be the best choice I could ever make. See I am not only in love with my future husband, but I am more in love with my maker.
It has not been an easy season of trusting God. Not only am I trusting him for the day to day things, rent, food, and all that comes with serving in ministry. But I am now trusting him for everything that comes from giving my life away, from marrying my future husband. The flowers, the venue, everything becomes an opportunity for God to show me how he himself is a faithful father that takes care of his children.
It all started last August, way before Johno and I were even engaged. I had gone home to meet his family for the first time in the country side, and I could have sworn my nerves would eat me alive. I ended up really enjoying myself, and getting to know that wonderful family and lifestyle that gave me the man of God I love. While we were there, the craziest thing happened.
In a long story short, I was gifted with a beautiful custom made never worn wedding dress from London, and it fit me absolutely perfectly! I remember thinking, God you have a lot in store, and a lot to live up too come this wedding. It all began with a gift from my precious father. I remember thinking, "well God I guess he is the one"...and ever since then with this wedding he has been working things out in my favor, and I am overwhelmed and consumed by his grace and faithfulness to me in this delicate season of trusting.
It is not easy to not worry, in fact I have been in the midst of struggle. Struggle to really believe that this God I serve could work out the little things, that he does care about my utmost most inner desires, and that money isn't an option. I often envied the thought of simply being able to buy whatever I wanted, or pay whoever I wanted. God continually reminds me, it is not what I get in the end but the journey that brings me there.
This last Saturday he reminded me once again, a faithful father takes care of his children. I had been struggling with wonder of where my funds would come from, especially the things that were of high importance to me, especially the photography. After talking to my mom, paying a photographer was going to take a huge chunk out of our budget but I truly felt from God who I wanted to photograph my wedding, and that the money would come even if I didn't have it. Another lesson in, sometimes its not always what decision you make, but that I just need to make one. So I made the choice, and I felt Gods peace on it and was so happy that it was someone who's family was so special to me, especially after all there love and support in my journey in missions.
A phone call Saturday left me shocked, and even more in awe of Gods unfailing love and his ability to provide even what we would think impossible, simply because he loves us. My photography was fully paid for in full! I was so filled with this gratefulness that has reminded me so much in these last couple of years that problems with money and need are so surface when in comparison to how our God takes care of us.
Slowly but surely, I am seeing things come together for this wedding and me & Johnos life together. Of course, there are still things that we need, an apartment, a honeymoon, and all in between when it comes to the wedding. But surely, God is not only helping me along this journey by providing things, but he is showing me along the way who he really is, and how he has blessed me with people that love me enough to want to support me. I have never been so humbled by Gods love, and the love that he imparts to those so generous and willing to help.
Psalm 89:1
1 I will sing of the LORD's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations.
