New Revelations.

I knew that things were not going to be easy, I knew that they would be worth it in the midst of it all. The last month has been very crazy for me, it has been filled with learning curves, new responsibility, new faces, and a lot of old patterns that surface up that haven't been the easiest to deal with. YWAM hosted a camp called Ban Suk, we hosted and put it on for a group of 60 Korean kids that have been in the church growing up. This is something our staff have spent weeks working on, and to be honest something that over whelmed me in not knowing what to expect. With God, I never know what to expect. In honesty, this was probably my hardest week since I have been here with YWAM. I am learning about what it means to be in ministry, what it means to sacrafice for your team, and what it means to be a good leader. Nothing every equips us to be a good leader, nothing except the grace of God and the realization that we are only leading by the mercy of God, and what he has called us to. I struggle with thinking that God has called me to lead, that he has called me to set the example. I feel like I have too many flaws to be the one that can direct and guide us, I do not feel like I have the knowledge. Maybe not the knowledge, but definitely the heart. My heart has grown into deeper relationship with God in trusting in his will on my life. I have given up a lot, and at times I do harbor bitterness towards God in thinking, Why did you call me? Why did you have me give up everything? Then, I come to the humble realization after a week like this week...This has never been about me, it has been about the heavenly father himself and what I can do for him. It has not been easy trusting God for everything in my life, including the people that he brings into mine that I am naturally drawn to. I want my compassion to grow, I want my meekness to increase.  YWAM has brought me to a place of living in community, and learning to appreciate and love the people that I work and live with. This is very different from my life back home, the life back home I lived was full of independence and I honestly did not consider God, or nonetheless anyone around me. I am happy here, but in a very honest sense, I know God is doing a very deep work in my heart in the season that he is preparing me for leadership. I am so excited when I hear about our upcoming students in our DTS. ( Discipleship Training School). I am so excited for these students to step out and get to know God on a deeper level, and train themselves in the way that they too would have an intimate passion to go out and to see lives change. I want that increased in my own soul, in my own being. I love people, I love God. I gave up everything to pursue exactly what I feel like God told me too. I am only human, and I do not know how exactly my life is going to look, What I am going to do....or What I will end up doing. But more than anything, I am so excited. I am scared to death, but I trust God in the way that he is directing my life. to be honest, I am simply grateful for the life he has called me to live. I am humbled by knowing that I am nothing without him, and I have everything and nothing to lose at the same time not following him, and following him. I choose to take the road less traveled, and I know it will make all the difference.